I’ve been honored to speak for Impact Week at Redwood Christian Schools where I graduated twenty-five years ago. I share my testimony in this 3-part series and challenge readers to make the Lord their greatest fear in life.
My Folly
In Ernest Hemingway’s classic, The Old Man and the Sea, Santiago is an aging fisherman who one day decides to go fishing way out in the ocean off the coast of Cuba. For eighty-four consecutive days the old man catches nothing, but on the eighty-fifth day Santiago reels in a giant marlin—the biggest fish he has ever seen or heard of in his life. Instantly, the old man feels like his very existence has been justified: “I’m going to haul this marlin back to shore. And everyone’s going to see how big it is. They’ll sing my praises all over town.” Yet Santiago lacks the strength to lift that massive fish into his boat and has to let it trail in the water beside the boat. As he makes his way to shore, a shiver of hungry sharks catch the scent of blood and begin to whittle away his catch until by the time Santiago returns to land, he has only a carcass to show for his labors. He fails to receive the accolades he desired or the greatness he had hoped for.
Many scholars believe that Hemingway wrote this novel as an autobiography. Through his writing career, he had enjoyed the successes of wealth, and fame, and romantic relationships. Yet by the end of his life, he was a tormented soul after multiple divorces and a squandered fortune. As an alcoholic, he suffered severe depression and eventually took his own life. Santiago and Hemingway both teach us that we will never find satisfaction, significance, or meaning in the things of this world. The problem, however, is not our desire for greatness, but that we’ve been fishing in all the wrong places. We have cast our line to reel in successes which do not last and have sought greatness in the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). Yet “what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36). I picked up Hemingway in college which was about the time I realized that I too had been fishing in the wrong part of the ocean. My “giant marlin” was the love for man’s approval. I was “hooked” by the fear of man.
The Fear of Man
According to Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.” A snare is a trap—a baited fishing hook—a temptation that entices. Therefore, “the fear of man” is a danger to be avoided. Yet growing up, I was paralyzed by this fear of man. I wanted desperately to please the people in my life—my parents, my teachers, my friends, even strangers. I desired their approval so much that I couldn’t even conduct a normal conversation. I was always the quiet kid—extremely shy. As a child, I could play with Legos for hours until my mother forgot I was even in the house (and it wasn’t a very large house). When I went to school, I could go through an entire day on about ten words total. When my parents asked, “How are you?” I’d just grunt at them or eat silently through dinner. My natural tendency was to be closed off.
By the time, I reached junior high, I could barely interact in social settings. One summer camp, my youth pastor patiently sat with me for hours. He asked where I was at spiritually and I couldn’t even find the words to formulate an answer. I didn’t know how to process my thoughts out loud. The fear of man had become my snare. It impacted my relationships. I wasn’t involved in church and grew distant from my family. I couldn’t form healthy friendships. Social anxiety is like that nervous feeling you get when you’re trying to ask a girl out, but having it every day and in every social situation.
I was living like an unbeliever—living in the fear of man instead of the fear of the Lord.[1] Yet God got a hold of my life during my senior year in high school. He transformed my heart to delight in him and then he took away my anxiety as well. I had promised God, “I’ll do whatever and I’ll go wherever you want me to go.” So he sent me to Russia for the summer and has continued changing my heart ever since. God’s Spirit ministered through God’s people and God’s Word. What turned me around were Jesus’ words, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). Again, the light bulb went on: “If I truly love the Lord, then I need to love the people around me. And if I can’t get over my problem of fearing man, then I can’t really love them well. And if I hold onto the pride in my heart, I’ll never escape my fear of man.” This process of growth wasn’t easy and it certainly wasn’t immediate, but my obedience to God’s Word began to change my life.
Thankfully, I had a few things going for me like a genuine faith in God. The fear of man is characteristic of the unsaved, but I was already converted so those fears couldn’t “stick” to me forever. I had supportive parents—a mom who prayed for me every day and a dad who served our family sacrificially. I had a church with youth leaders who truly cared about discipling me in the faith. My high school pastor would meet with me in the parking lot before school and we’d go through a Bible study together (or rather, he’d talk and I would listen). Having a conversation with me was like talking to a brick wall. I was unresponsive and not showing fruit, yet he continued to model the example of a loving shepherd. I’m grateful for those who faithfully ministered to me even when it seemed like nothing much was happening.
I also attended a Christian school where my dad taught. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a nurturing environment with teachers and coaches who invested in me. My English teacher would stay after school and read my really bad poetry or attempts at short stories. She’d always have some encouragement or idea for improvement. In fact, she’s one of the reasons I’m still writing today. I had coaches who challenged me to lead on the field. I heard testimonies and sermons in chapel. I witnessed the example of adults who modeled what they said they believed in and some of my peers also began to live out their faith. I had a few things going for me, but I did not experience change until God’s Word transformed my heart. I had to replace my fear of man with my faith in the Lord.
Our Faith in the Lord
The fear of man characterizes the unbeliever, yet I’d been living that way for most of my life. I cared too much about what other people thought and was afraid to say something dumb even if silence made me look more foolish. At the heart, my anxiety was rooted in pride. I cared only about myself and I did things mainly to benefit me. I wasn’t living to love God and to love my neighbor. So the Lord began to teach me that the way up was the way down: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:5b-7). Notice how pride and anxiety are connected in this context. I had to cast my anxieties on the Lord. But first, I had to repent of my prideful heart and humble myself before him. I had to trust that God loved me and cared for me more than I could ever know. Then I had to submit myself beneath his mighty hand and let him take control.
As God took hold of my life, he began to humble me. He put me in places where I had to trust him with faith-filled risks. In college, I began leading Bible studies and prayer meetings and serving on missions. I went out to the campus quad and talked about Jesus with any students willing to have a conversation. I shared testimonies in church about missions and even preached sermons for the campus ministry. Then one time, I took a class in college: a poetry workshop with about ten students. Our instructor was a famous poet and feminist literary critic whose workshop consisted of writing original poetry and critiquing each other mercilessly. Years before I never would have applied, but somehow she accepted me into her class. And yet, I wasn’t afraid to boldly express my Christian faith through poetry and witness for Jesus through an art form I was just learning how to practice. In college, I grew into a spiritual leader until the Lord graciously called me into pastoral ministry. I’m still in awe that God chose a socially anxious, awkward kid with a prideful heart to become a pastor. But he did it with Moses, so I suppose he can do it with anyone (Exodus 3).
As I reflected on that transformation, God reminded me of a favorite passage from Scripture. In Kindergarten, we learned how to read from the Victory Drill book—a blue cloth primer with columns of words on every page that became increasingly more difficult to read with each lesson. If you passed fifty lessons in this book, the principal presented you with your very own Bible in front of the entire school. So one day, I received my blue King James Bible with one passage highlighted especially for me: Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” This passage still reminds me today to keep my faith in a faithful God: the God of Israel—the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—the God who created the entire universe—the God who created me. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart” means with everything I am and everything I do, every word I speak and every thought I think. Trust him more than I trust myself or the applause of men.
“And do not lean on your own understanding.” I must not rely on my own wisdom or think I’ve got the world figured out. I can’t claim with arrogance that I know better than what God has shown me in his Word. Instead, “in all your ways acknowledge him.” I declare Jesus as Lord of my life and do all things to bring him glory. I give him credit for any good that happens, then trust him even in my trials. “And he will make straight your paths” promises that he will lead me in the way I should go. He will guide me down the path of righteousness.
I haven’t always known the next step to take in life. I didn’t know what college to attend or what major to study. It took me ten years to figure out that my wife was the one I was supposed to marry. I applied to a dozen seminaries that were all over the theological map and never planned to pastor in Southern California. I didn’t intend to become a preacher or a counselor or a missionary or a church planting mentor, but this life of ministry has taken me on an ever-changing adventure. And over the years, I’ve learned to trust in the Lord with all my heart. Over the years, he has always made straight my paths.
Perhaps you struggle with the fear of man as you figure out who you are and where you fit. The solution is not to simply pump your self-esteem—to make yourself feel so confident that it doesn’t matter what anyone says about you. The solution is to find out who you are in Jesus Christ because the only accolade that matters for eternity is to know that you are a child of God—that he loved you so much that he sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to die in your place (John 3:16). He forgave your sin and pardoned your guilt. He declared you righteous and free of shame. He empowered you to resist temptation and to proclaim his gospel to others. He adopted you into his family and made you his heir. He promised you eternal life in heaven with him.
Suppose you have $100 and some bully comes along and takes your money. How would you feel? You’d be sad, upset, perhaps devastated, maybe angry. Yet suppose you are a billionaire and that same bully comes along and takes $100 dollars. It’s the same amount, but the impact is much less because of your net worth. So also, if you know who you are in Jesus Christ—if you embrace your identity as a child of the Father—if you know you are indwelt by God’s Holy Spirit, then you won’t be so affected when some bully tries to steal your self-worth. The key to fighting your fear of man is to have an even greater fear of the Lord—to view the Lord with reverent obedience and worshipful joy. You can’t love people if you’re afraid of them and you can’t delight in God if you’re only thinking of yourself.
Bring your struggles before the Lord in prayer: “God, I care too much about what other people think. I’m always trying to please them. I end up living for their glory instead of for yours. So I confess my fear of man and repent of loving their approval. I know there’s nothing I must do to earn your favor—that everything needed for my salvation has been accomplished at the cross—that everything needed for my growth in godliness is provided in your Word. Help me to live in such a way that honors you and serves the people around me. Show me how to love them well with both my words and with my actions. Remind me daily that I’m a billionaire when it comes to spiritual blessings and let me give away those blessings freely, even to those who seek to steal from me (Ephesians 1:3).
The picture we should have of our significance in life is not The Old Man and the Sea. Instead, it should be like the disciples in the boat when Jesus told them to cast their net on the other side (John 21:1-7). Their catch of fish was not because they were great fisherman or because they worked harder than everyone around them. Their catch of fish pointed to Jesus as the Miracle Man who demonstrated his divine power in their moment of greatest weakness. That’s my prayer for you and I hope it’s your prayer as well.
Understand Proverbs 29:25
- How can the fear of man be a snare? Why contrast it with our trust in the Lord?
- Can a genuine believer experience the fear of man? Why or why not?
- Describe the connection between pride and anxiety (1 Peter 5:5-7). How do you know if this is related in your own experience?
Apply Proverbs 29:25
- Who have been the most influential people in your life thus far? Have they pointed you toward Jesus or away from him?
- How has your anxiety sometimes kept you from loving others well? What can you do to biblically address your heart and practically change your thoughts and behavior?
- List out the multitude of spiritual blessings you have received in Christ. Consider how each one of these gospel truths can transform your heart’s desires and motives.
Pray Proverbs 29:25
- Lord, do not let my heart be characterized by the fear of man.
- Help me to trust in you for my safety and well-being.
[1] Proverbs 29:25 is an evangelistic verse because it contrasts the believer with the unbeliever. I use it, however, to also describe a believer who is living for a time like an unbeliever.
